just an itch. April 14, 2009 blotted aT 08:17 PM maryl scratch everything i said. it was just the nostalgia talking. period. drink here.

galit, inis, asar! March 23, 2009 blotted aT 09:33 PM maryl matagal na rin akong nagtitiis. ilang buwan na rin akong nagtitimpi ng galit at pagkainis. naaasar ako sa management teacher namin. pagkababa-baba ng gradong binigay niya sa akin. matapos ang lahat lahat kong ginawa para sa hayup na subject na iyon, 88 lang ang naibigay niya? kung tutuusin may utang pa siya sa akin para sa midterm grade ko. akalain mo ba naman na hindi niya ako binigyan ng puntos para sa essay ko. itlog. zero. kahit na may tama naman ang sinulat ko. inis na inis ako sa kanya. kung hindi lang talaga kasalanan pitikin ang kanyang noo, matagal ko na sanang ginawa iyon. napakaplastik nya. pag ako naging ganap nang accountant, hinding hindi ako magpapasalamat sa kanya. wala siyang mabuting nagawa sa akin dahil wala na siyang ibang ginawa kundi magchismis at magpasipsip.     drink here.

twenty one March 19, 2009 blotted aT 09:48 PM maryl i am officially, irrevocably twenty one and it doesn't feel anything like what i thought it might. i dont feel the harshness of being alone, the demented memory loss or even the crippling tiredness. being twenty one is just like being sixteen with the perks of alcohol and gambling. of course you're parents wont be able to claim additional deductions in their tax returns but at least you can already get your license once you pass the boards and well work your arse off. i turned twenty one last march 18 and they gave me a bash. we had a yellow cake and yellow tablecloth. we had turkey (aka. mini ostrich daw), pseudo-knicker bocker and crab fooyong. my friends came and we laughed the night away. of course my day did not end until i saw gray at least 5 times. he was grinning and smiling and wishing me all the best face to face. of course he was inside my ipod and i was in bed. but it was more than enough. and well suddenly DK's four o'clock greeting paled in comparison to gray's smiley good luck. thank you bears.. mahal ko kayo!   oh.oh.oh i really hope DK was not pissed when i texted him 'cge.. ingatz'. afterall he uses it all the time when he textes me.     and after everything... heres to noses and grins..     3 drank my thoughts.

No Wait March 15, 2009 blotted aT 11:34 PM maryl   i am graduating soon and somehow before i leave the four walls of ateneo i would like to try make sense of what has happened for the past three and so-so years.   no wait. scratch all of that. because now all i ever want to talk about, think about is everything that has nothing to do with accountancy, the board exams and graduation. i want to live the life of the bum if only for a week or two. i want to be irresponsible, irrational and unpredictable. i want to be anything but who i was in high school and/or college because frankly i think im boring, plain and all the synonyms involved. i want to stop feeling so inadequte and lacking all the bloody time. i want to stop worry about tomorrow and how everything a month from now. i want to stop being so OC. i want to stop writing in english and start working on my filipino. i want to stop writing poems that rhyme. i want to learn how to spell correctly again. i want to regain my penchant for memorizing. i want to stop my habit of glancing at my phone every 5 minutes. i want to stop waiting for the one to come. i want to be religious. i want to remember acceptance, forgiveness and happiness. i want to stop being jaded. i want to go back to grade school and correct my mistake of not fighting for volleyball. i want to be independent. i want to be me but not really. because at the end of the day, all work and no play really does make one a dull boy (or girl... whatever)  but then after all of that, i'd go back to being me because as far back as i can remember, being plain jane hasnt isnt really as bad it may seem, on the contrary it was all that and more. I bet everything i own if anyone can tell me otherwise. two words: worth it ----- dk: has crummy look alike. chance had nothing to do with anything it was all because of the rattan ball, atfest and gray. gray: soon to be father ergo will forever be religious. his college years will never be equal to 7th yr. 7th yr: will never be understood because he is and will be such a freaky genius forever. mr.forever: to see you again will be something: applies only after May Currently listening to: Love Story by Taylor Swift drink here.

Frustrating March 4, 2009 blotted aT 10:00 AM maryl its almost finals and im still stuck trying to figure out how to motivate myself to study. i am basically unable to find the conviction and the concentration i usually have. i'm asking myself why the hell am i like this??? its too frustrating that i keep on looking to my hair for answers. i guess i wouldn't be too surprised if one day i find myself bald. but then again my hair wouldn't really matter if i dont get a move on!   Currently listening to: Breakeven by The Script Currently reading: Tax.tax.tax 3 drank my thoughts.

12 hours and counting February 26, 2009 blotted aT 09:01 PM maryl i've been texting someone lately and im thinking i should stop. i've been investing too much time thinking about him. and i feel pathetic enough as it is. you see, he was the one who texted first but the fact of the matter is, he would never had texted (or even realized that i existed) if my dear friend had not asked around for juicy tidbits(defined as: name, age, place of birth.. the foolish kind tidbits) about him. my friend even gave me his bloody number which i would never have the guts to text by the way. but surprise surprise, on the same day i realized that his name was the fusion of my ex-crushes, he texted me. apparently not knowing who i was, what i looked like or if i was a mass murderer ready to slaughter anyone who comes into sight. and so the pseudo kilig phase came then passed, then came again. but i as of present date ( i feel like a reporter now!) it would never become a cycle again after he saw me. not only does he not reply anymore but when he does text, they're quotes and most often than not they're group messages. but then when the usual rationality sets, the reasons pop up. maybe he doesnt have load, maybe he's busy with classes ( which my BFF Pat said was a usual symptom of being a med student) or maybe im just a huge fat ugly freak. anyway, rantings aside, i can never deny that he has a very nice smile, and good teeth! hehe.. the perfect crescent if i may say so myself. i wish i could get him to teach me that ( in your dreams che!) since my smile has always been lopsided(sp?).   ps: i've been staring at a computer for almost twelve hours now. i think am feeling eye strain and i am really sleepy. you think i should rest my eyes already? hehe.. i think so too. Currently listening to: Jai Ho by AR Rahman Currently watching: Get Smart 1 drank my thoughts.

Life goes on January 29, 2009 blotted aT 11:36 PM maryl Every now and then I get snippets of thought. And as suddenly as they come, they also disappear -almost completely erased from my memory. They leave me and I am left with nothing but undeveloped thoughts and unexplored ideas which is frustrating me to the very core. Let us take for example my brilliant realization while walking to class: life was meant to be lived and remembered not for everything you did right but everything you did wrong.  It sounds totally pessimistic and horribly wrong but it really is how life should be lived. It is going through with it with enough courage to face your mistakes. And somehow learning from such shortcomings. It is the bravery that comes with every waking moment.  And then blank. I go to class. Listen around. Laugh. Life goes on. 2 drank my thoughts.